Quips and Qualms

Explicit content inside.

If you plan on getting offended, please proceed to read. If you don’t, please proceed to read. It is up to you to proceed to read.

Songs while on the move, becomes news on the move. A sign of ageing, I should say. I moved from listening to music while driving to and fro work to listening to news during the fag end of my twenties. And since the 30s started, news became an indispensable part of life. Australian wildfires, Hong Kong protests, Trump’s trumpets and the list goes on.

And BBC World Service had become my go-to place for news. A 45-minute briefing in the morning and a 30 minute top-up in the evening was keeping me abreast with the global occurrences.

I remember the news in December about a new strain of pneumonia in China. Who would have thought that was the precursor to a global pandemic which infected over 4 million and affected over half the world’s people.

What I would have given to be Nostradamus to predict the scale of the whole thing?

Ever since the pandemic started, I have become an avid follower of the local news too.

The home state has been doing us proud these days by having done contract tracing and proper isolation to curb the spread.

India too did well in the midst by having a lockdown at the start itself. With the infections at 396, the nation went on to lockdown its 1.3 billion population. Even with stringent measures in place, keeping the spread in check was a herculean task with the above-stated population and its population density.

What has the world been doing?

Globally, governments are struggling to curtail the spread. Yet, we see people protesting their rights to move out. Testing is stepped up rampantly, but PPEs and masks are not available.

It is indeed disheartening to see people blow off the rules and walking in public not only exposing them to risk, but also the people who do not want to be in harm’s way. Wearing masks do not make you look ridiculous, your actions do.

While salary cuts and layoffs are becoming common, it is great to see some countries honour their front-liners by increasing their salaries. It is disheartening to see the numbers rise at home and globally, but the doctors and nurses go over and beyond their means to support people.

If you are asked to be in home-quarantine, stay bloody well at home. I laud the wife of the person who called in the police when her husband left quarantine to buy booze. Boo!!! #covidiot

I believe that to ensure that the virus is kept at bay, opposition party should keep aside differences with the ruling party and ensure a smooth operation happens. By using the best technologies available, by ensuring people are educated, by ensuring enough testing is done, by ensuring enough PPEs, masks and other safety kits are made available- we could get back in track.

The utopian dream- I could call it but nevertheless.

People are to ensure that you do not go out and mingle with people. Social distancing is the call. Think that people are covered in human defecation and you touching them is their shit on you, you touching places where they could have touched is their shit on you, you near them is their shit smell all over you. No one likes someone with shit on them or smells like shit.

Damn, I have become Suresh Gopi (An ode to Bharathchandran IPS)

To test this hypothesis, don’t wash/wipe the next time you go to the pot. You’ll know what I mean.

Next step, if you think you have touched someplace, do not touch your face or anywhere in your body. Do not touch your phone or wallet or specs. Use soap to wash your hands. After all, you cannot get rid of the shit smell if you just wipe it/wash it with water. If you have a sanitizer in your pocket, rub a little on your hands. Just be safe.

The next step- shit smells. You do not want the shit smell to seep into your nose. Cover it with a mask. It is instinct to cover your nose with your handkerchief when you walk past a garbage dump. The whole world is your garbage dump now. I have been seeing people with masks on and their noses out. It is a moo point- like a cow’s opinion- it just doesn’t matter- it’s moo. And if it is a news reporter who does it, well, you have failed the whole purpose of media. In Germany, a lady cut a whole on her mask to make it easy for her to breathe. You do not deserve to breathe at all. #covidiot

The step before penultimate step- stay at home unless you are required to move out. Dude, you do not want to be in shit, touch, smell or see shit (that is just a hyperbole). You clean your house, so I assume it is shit free. That is if you can afford to work from home. Netflix on the couch, work on your laptop, whip up something that you can and it is the bliss that you have hoped for while you were in your office. If you have to go to work, visualize giant human excretion walking around you- stay away as much as you can. If you are a frontline worker, we salute you. You may continue to see us the way fit (as mentioned above)

The penultimate step, once you return from outside, throw your clothes into the washing machine or put it in a bucket of soap water. Do not wear shoes used outside to walk inside homes. Asians, kudos to you for this. The West still hasn’t caught up yet.

Finally, be smart on what news to follow. People are inherently dumb. And when these people make way into media- TV, social media and share news and pointers which are misleading or tainted with political motives, you have been led astray. In the event of absorbing and disseminating information, think for a second. What would a person with common sense do? If I go and protest the lock down, will the virus get scared and leave? You get the virus, you die and the propagator of this is happy that his propaganda is on. If you choose to act on impulse basis the news you see, you are a #covidiot- a Phd from Whatsapp/Youtube University.

Well, these are just things to work on. Please stay safe.

Clubbing and pub crawl will still exist once the pandemic is over. The million dollar question is, will you? You can if you want to. Stay safe.

Peace out, hombres!

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